Sasuke's Twelve Days of Christmas
by nikki3
Summary: Shounen-ai, yaoi Drum rolls! Nikki's Insane Mind presents - Sasuke's Twelve Days of Christmas!


Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Enough said.  
  
Warning: Yaoi and shounen ai hints. For Homophobes, please leave.  
  
Author's note: This is the first time I've done this sort of fic so please bear with me. This was done in one hour. Hehehe. Just some random insanity from me.^^;;;  
  
Sasuke's 12 Days Of Christmas  
  
It was a special day in Konoha. It was Christmas season after all. Everyone was feeling jolly. It was fortunate (or unfortunate to some) that this author had decided to set the people up for caroling just for the heck of it.  
  
The author raised a brow at the mismatched group that she had managed to get and sighed. "Alright! Let's start! 'Sasuke's Twelve Days of Christmas!'"  
  
Naruto was the first one to protest. "Just wait a minute! Why can't it be 'Naruto's Twelve Days of Christmas?'"  
  
The author opened her mouth to argue with him when Sasuke spoke up.  
  
"Coz you're an idiot. That's why."  
  
"TEME!"  
  
Two feminine figures loomed behind the blond. "URUSAI!"  
  
A few moments later, Naruto was a crumpled heap on the floor while Chouji and Shikamaru were trying to revive him by taking turns at whacking at his head.  
  
It was a few minutes later that Naruto regained consciousness not by any other conventional means but by just hearing Sasuke call him a "dobe."  
  
The author smirked. Her glasses shined as she rubbed her chin. "Hehehe..." The Naruto cast cringed.  
  
Then she smiled. "Okay. Let's begin! Sasuke!"  
  
Sasuke frowned as he looked at the lyrics. "On the first day of Christmas Naruto gave to me~"  
  
A very reluctant Naruto continued for him. "A dobe in a rope bind~ NANI?!"  
  
"On the second day of Christmas Iruka gave to me~"  
  
Iruka smiled and did a peace sign. "Two extra homeworks~ Let's not get careless now shall we?"  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind~" Naruto growled, glaring at the young Uchiha.  
  
Rolling his eyes, Sasuke continued on although at this point, he was seriously contemplating on getting this author into an insane asylum. "On the third day of Christmas Ino gave to me~"   
  
"Three red roses~! Beat that, you big forehead!"  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ And four for you Naruto. You need it more than he does."  
  
"EH?! WHAT THE?!" Naruto gets whacked by several members of the choir. and he sulkily continues, "And a dobe in a rope bind..."  
  
Sighing exasperatedly, Sasuke shook his head. "On the fourth day of Christmas Sakura gave to me~"  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~" Sakura sang before taunting Ino, "Take that, Ino-pig! HELL YEAH!"  
  
"Grr... Three red roses~"  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ Now girls, there's no need to fight..."  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind... Why me?"  
  
"On the fifth day of Christmas Itachi gave to me~ ........." Sasuke's eyes widened as he reread that sentence again.  
  
Itachi cheerfully piped up, "Five Tsukiyomi~ All for you otouto."  
  
"Itachi! Shi-ne!"  
  
Tha author shouted, "Oi! Stop him before he starts waving Chidori before New Year!"  
  
It was a few hours and five comas later that Sasuke was subdued and was calm enough to continue.  
  
"Alright! Let's pick up where we left off."  
  
"On the fifth day of Christmas Itachi gave to me~ I still hate you."  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~ It's my specialty."  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ HELL YEAH!"  
  
"Three red roses~"  
  
"WAAAH! Sasuke and his brother are so handsome!" Ino and Sakura gushed while the rest of the choir did their best to ignore them.  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ Please settle down or we'll never be finished..."  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind... Stupid Sasuke... always getting the spotlight..."  
  
"On the sixth day of Christmas Kakashi gave to me~" Sasuke frowned.  
  
Kakashi's eyes curved into a happy arc. "Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ It's a good read. Really."  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~ That better not distract Sasuke from paying all his attention to me..."  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ HELL NO! Kakashi-sensei you pervert!"  
  
"Three red roses~ I can't believe you have a pervert for a sensei..."  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ Kakashi! I can't believe you did that!"  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind~" Naruto grumbled. "How come he gets to have a copy and I don't?"  
  
"On the seventh day of Christmas Lee-san gave to me~"  
  
"Seven bowl-shaped wigs~ HAI! I'll do my best to sing for Sakura-chan!"  
  
Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "I'm not wearing that... Zettai yadda..."  
  
"Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ Oh come on. It's not that bad. An image change might be good for Sasuke-kun."  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~" Itachi eyed the bowl-shaped wigs and chills went down his spine. "Wear that, Sasuke and I will never acknowledge you as my little brother."  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ HELL NO! Lee-san! Don't influence Sasuke!"  
  
"But Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Three red roses~ Must burn wigs while Sasuke-kun's not looking."  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ Surely, you kids exaggerate. It's not, err, that bad... Oh, I give up. Forget I said anything..."  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind~" Naruto snickered. "You should put it on. It would be a great improvement! HAHAHAHA!"  
  
Sasuke scowled. "On the eighth day of Christmas Neji gave to me~"  
  
"Eight Gentle Fist hits~" Neji cracked his knuckles as Sasuke eyed him warily.  
  
"Seven bowl-shaped wigs~ For Gai-sensei!"  
  
"Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ Oh, this page looks interesting..."  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~ Don't go too hard on him. I want him conscious when I start taunting him after he hits the ground."  
  
"Aniki! Shi-ne!"  
  
"HEY! STOP HIM!"  
  
"Dammit he's waving that Chido-something of his!"  
  
"It's Chidori you dumb-ass!"  
  
"URUSAI! TEME SASUKE! Who are you calling a dumb-ass?!"  
  
The author and everyone else sighed in relief. Disaster averted. Well, partly anyway. Sasuke and Naruto were still trying to beat the living daylights out of each other but at least there was no Chidori.  
  
A couple of Tsukiyomis and several visits to the Godaime later, they were ready to resume the song.  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ Hurt Sasuke-kun and I'll hurt you! HELL YEAH!"  
  
"Bite me, little girl. OW! ARGH! Get her off me!" Itachi waved his hand all over with Sakura still biting on it.  
  
At this point, the author no longer cares. This group was definitely going to be the death of her...  
  
"Three red roses~ Go Sakura! Bite his hand off!"  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ Yes! And... You know what? I have nothing to add to that."  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind~ Weren't you guys all gushing about him a while ago? Saa. Who cares? ..." Naruto watched with his eyes furrowed in concentration for a moment before saying, "Err... Sakura-chan... Don't bite him anymore. He might have Uchiha germs or something."  
  
"WHAT?! I'm the one with germs?! Why you little - ?!" Itachi growled.  
  
Ignoring his brother, Sasuke sang, "On the ninth day of Christmas Chouji gave to me~"   
  
"Nine barbeques~ YUM!"  
  
"Eight Gentle Fist hits~ How predictable. This is destiny it seems..."  
  
"Seven bowl-shaped wigs~ Stop picking on my Sakura-chan!"  
  
"Picking on her?! I didn't even do anything!"  
  
"Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ Sakura, you can stop biting now. Your part's almost up."  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~~ That hurts!" Itachi blew on his teeth-marked wounds. "I'll get back at you for this..."  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ Take that! HELL YEAH!"  
  
"Three red roses~" Ino mumbled to herself, "Note to self: Never tell Sakura to bite me."  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ This getting a bit out of hand..."  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind~"  
  
"On the tenth day of Christmas Shikamaru gave to me~"  
  
"Gah... What a hassle. Ten shadow binds~"  
  
"Nine barbeques~ Well done!"  
  
"Eight Gentle Fist hits~ Fate is so unkind to leave me here."  
  
"Seven bowl-shaped wigs~ YOSH! We're almost finished!"  
  
"Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ Come to think of it, the new issue should be out now. 'Icha Icha Paradise: Christmas Special'"  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~ ACK! She broke one of my beautiful black manicured nails!"  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ Serves you right! HELL YEAH!"  
  
"Three red roses~ My gift is better than yours."  
  
"Says who?!"  
  
"ME!"  
  
"Oh yeah?!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ Now girls..."  
  
The two girls whirled around and glared at him. "YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!" The man shrank back and hid behind Kakashi.  
  
"And a dobe in a a rope bind..."  
  
"On the eleventh day of Christmas Orochimaru gave to me~" Sasuke looked at the name again and looked at the members of the choir. "HELL NO!"  
  
"Hell yes. Eleven cursed seals~" Orochimaru chuckled evilly before his tongue snaked out as he licked his lips.  
  
The gesture sent chills down Sasuke's spine. "GAH! GO AWAY! I HATE YOU!"  
  
"What a hassle. Ten shadow binds~"  
  
"Nine barbeques~ They're pretty good. Eat them while they're hot."  
  
"Eight Gentle Fist hits~ This is going nowhere. Destiny is an endless loop of tragedy..."  
  
"Seven bowl-shaped wigs~ AH! A snake!"  
  
"Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ WHAT THE?! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?!"  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~ Stay away from Sasuke. You're distracting."  
  
"Four ninja scrolls~ Sasuke's going to notice me more than you."  
  
"Three red roses~ Hah! I'm more beautiful than you. So he'll definitely notice me more."  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ This is getting a bit crazy don't you think?"  
  
"And a dobe in a rope bind~"  
  
"On the twelfth day of Christmas Gaara gave to me~~~"  
  
There was a long pause as Gaara stood up and walked over to the young Uchiha. He put his arms around the said Uchiha and said, "Twelve sand clones~ He's mine!"  
  
"Eleven cursed seals~ NANI?! He's MINE!"  
  
Very much creeped out about this, Sasuke grabbed Gaara and threw him at Orochimaru. "YADDA! ZETTAI YADDA!" Both were down and out.  
  
"Ten shadow binds~ What a hassle... I want out."  
  
"Nine barbeques~ Eh? There's no more?"  
  
"Eight Gentle Fist hits~ This is getting boring... So Shikamaru-san, are you free later?" This was received with a "yes" shrug (if there's such a thing) from the recepient. "Wanna go out?"  
  
It was indeed a record that Shikamaru immediately got up and said, "YES!"  
  
"Seven bowl-shaped wigs~ Sakura-chan! Go out with me!"  
  
"Six 'Icha Icha Paradise'~ So Iruka, coming over to my place later? Sasuke, you're welcome to join us... Hehehe..."  
  
"No thank you... I've had enough perverts to last me a lifetime..."  
  
"Five Tsukiyomi~ Sasuke's no one else's but mine! MWAHAHAHA!"  
  
Sakura whacked the older Uchiha. "Four ninja scrolls~ He's not yours!"  
  
"Three red roses~" Ino flipped her long blonde hair. "Of course not. He's mine."  
  
"Two extra homeworks~ WHAT?! Kakashi..."  
  
The jounin put his hands up. "It was a joke. A joke!"  
  
Then everyone sang the last verse together, "And a dobe in a rope bind~~~~~~~~"  
  
And when they were finished, the author clapped her hands. "Yes! You guys made it to the end!"  
  
Then Sakura looked around. "Eh? Where's Sasuke-kun?"  
  
The author looked at her blankly for a moment before replying, "Ah... He left with a dobe in a rope bind... Eh?" As soon as the words left her lips, Sakura and Ino ran out after their crush. Lee was not far behind as he tried to ask Sakura out on a date.  
  
Chouji left as well to look for an all-you-can-eat barbeque. Kakashi threw Iruka over his shoulder and left in a puff of smoke. Gaara walked over to Neji and Shikamaru, put an arm around their waists and said, "So... since Sasuke's not here anymore, how about keeping me company?" His lips curled into a smirk as the two nins merely nodded and shrugged respectively. He was going to have fun tonight.  
  
That left Itachi and Orochimaru. Itachi nudged the fallen nin with his foot.  
  
"Hey, are you still alive?" The body didn't even move a bit. The older Uchiha's eyebrow twitched. "Listen if you're going to stay there all night, then we're not going out on that date you wanted four years ago after all." Then with that he pranced out of the room with his head held high.  
  
A few moments later, Orochimaru quickly got up and ran after him.  
  
And the author? Well, she was typing this fic down after they all left. Hehehe.  
  
Merry Christmas!  
  
*OWARI*  
  
Author's notes: Well, what can I say? I was really, really bored and couldn't seem to get inspired enough to finish the next chapters of my fics. Damn it. Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone!  
  
Please review. Flamers can go and kiss Zabuza's ass (that is, if they can get through Haku first)!  
  
Started: December 23, 2003, 11:30 p.m.  
  
Ended: December 24, 2003, 12:30 a.m. 


End file.
